I desperately long for a shift, like a 7.0 on the Richter scale kind of shift.
I returned to my high pressure sales job just two months after a complete mental, physical, and emotional breakdown. I experienced this false sense of “it’s over, I’m cured”. The hard truth is, there is no cure. There is only building up tearing down take one down pass it around ninety eight bottles of beer on the wall…repeat…second verse same as the first.
The irony of mental illness; your mind is incapable of having the strength or capacity to build anything up and tearing down scares the shit out of you but these dichotomies are critical – scratch that – necessary part of overall well being. After an unsuccessful two months of prospecting, working to fill a sales funnel, and maintaining and developing relationships my time came to tear down. My mind, body and soul needed a shift. I have worked for AT&T for thirteen years. After much deliberation with the hubs, family and friends I tore down what I had worked most of my adult life to build up.
Here comes the shift…
I know without a doubt that how I take care of my body plays an integral part of my day to day well being. It sucks that it takes 25 minutes of meditation, a full hour of self conversation and a sleeve of thin mints to help me come to that realization. I have gained almost thirty pounds since December. I understand that medication plays a role in weight gain, but I am aware enough to know that most of that weight gain has come from a lack of self love. An internal desire to find any excuse to hide from the world. When you can longer fit into any of your clothes, you can talk yourself into some pretty legit reasons to stay isolated. Isolation is E A S Y, it’s safe, it’s consuming and damaging. I know I need a career, a lifestyle that will help prevent my deep desire for isolation. I need to find the best version of this new me.
As I step into the arena for this next phase of my life I deeply desire physical, mental and emotional well being. My hope is that I can incorporate all three necessities into my personal and professional growth. I have an interview next Monday as an Online Health and Wellness Coach. If I get accepted into the program I will then work to obtain my certification to help others. Then it is up to me to show up. Show up everyday for me, for my family, for my friends, and for my clients. It won’t be easy, but I am certain it will be worth it. Wish me luck!